Tent City Survival Basics

Bring ID: They won’t let you in without it.

Bring a towel: Why do you need a towel if you are only staying 24 hours? So you can use it as a pillow!!! Trust me on this. You will get to hate concrete. If you don’t have a towel, try to lay claim to the roll of toilet paper as soon as you enter the holding cell. It makes a remarkably comfortable pillow.

Bring A roll of quarters. Your two $20 bills won’t get you far inside. Bring quarters instead for vending machines located in tent city but KEEP THEM IN YOUR POCKET. Change can be a hot commodity in the yard.

Bring reading material: Bring a book and/or magazine to help you pass the time.

Bring a travel alarm clock: So you can count the minutes

Dress appropriately: Wear shorts and short sleeves if it is the summer. Women, do NOT wear a tank top or anything revealing. Believe it or not, I saw a cute but clueless ASU student show up in her short shorts and spaghetti strapped half-shirt. Hasn’t she seen any “women behind bars” movies? She was turned away. What was she thinking? Bring a hooded sweatshirt. It can double as a pillow and, even though it is 110 degrees outside, they keep the holding cells freezing.

Leave your cell phone in your car or at home: Saw a couple of people get stuck on this one. They won’t let them in for day trippers

Eat and hydrate before hand: The water inside is gross. However, be aware that it will take a couple of hours before you ever see a toilet. Bring a water bottle to the waiting area outside. If you need to, go in your car or somewhere in the parking lot and try to discreetly pee in the bottle. It should go without saying that you don’t want to eat anything that is going to cause you to take a massive bowel movement over the next 24 hours.

Tent City Survival Step By Step

If you are reading this blog, you probably found yourself on the wrong side of Joe Arpaio, the right wing nut who is the Sheriff of Maricopa County, Arizona. You were probably out one night in Phoenix, had a few beers and got pulled over by the cops. Even though you felt fine, you were arrested and charged with a DUI. I am not going to get into the money making venture that is the Phoenix DUI laws, but suffice it to say that your chances are slim of beating the wrap.

So several months, and a few thousand dollars in legal fees later, you must serve your one day of confinement in the infamous Tent City prison, where prisoners where cartoonish striped uniforms and pink underwear. I just served my 24 hours and thought my experience would help those who are facing a similar situation. There is decidedly little information out there to help people prepare. Not to fear, I will tell you what you need to know. Note: This blog is geared towards people serving the 24 hours of time.

Tent City Hour by Hour

You show up at 3250 W. Lower Buckeye Ave. Go to the parking lot marked SELF SURRENDER. Note: do NOT drive yourself there on a suspended license!!! There were rumors of Sheriff Joe’s evil minions running license plates of cars in the lot. Get there at least 15 minutes early. You will see a bunch of other n'er do wells hanging out on benches. Just make sure you are there on time.

So you are there at 8:30 for a 9:00 commitment time. You watch the minutes go by. All of a sudden it is 9:15 and you are wondering if you are in the wrong place and if a warrant is going to be put out on you. Relax. They open the doors periodically to let people in. If they open them up at 9:30 and you are there, they will let you in and you will be released at 9:00 the next day.

Next you go under a brief search and then on to “processing.” They take their sweet time with this and I believe it is for a reason. My guess is that they can’t intentionally put you in a jam packed, brightly lit concrete cell with no mattress for 24 hours. If anyone complains about the Abu Grahib-like conditions, the sleep deprivation, the slow physical pain of lying on concrete, they can claim you just had to stay there until “processed.”

After you fill out a form and have your picture taken, you are moved en mass to your first holding cell. When I was being brought in, the guard said “This is your new home for the next 2 or 3 hours.” I thought “Ugh, I can’t believe I have to stay in here that long.” Well, I have news for you. That 2 or 3 hours is actually 10-15 hours. The cell is about 20 feet long and 10 feet wide. With the cinderblock benches along each side, it is about 6 ft. wide in terms of floor space. Get a seat quick as they will likely pack it with a standing room only crowd. As mentioned above, the roll of toilet paper makes a great pillow if you can lay claim to it.

The only reprieve you will get is when they call you out to be fingerprinted. At this time, you may be moved to a neighboring cell. I think the reason for this is that, after 10 hours together, you start to build up a certain level of camaraderie with your cell mates. I admit that I did have a few interesting conversations and had a few laughs that helped pass the time. They move you around to a new group to keep you from feeling too comfortable.

Did I mention that you will come to despise concrete? Your tailbone will start to hurt bad after several hours of sitting. In fact, it was a total “relief” to be moved to a cell with a metal bench later on. The worst part for me was probably this physical discomfort. You may be thinking “whiner,” but trust me, it is no fun sitting/lying on cement for 24 hours.

After your 10 or 15 hours in the holding cell, you will be called out and handcuffed. You will then be trucked over to Tent City. You will feel relieved, or even excited to get there at the thought of lying down on a cot for a few hours of shuteye. Forget about it.

You are taken out of the van and put into, guess what? Another holding cell. Remember how crowded it was with 20 people in that last cell? Well those same 20 people are packed into a cell about half that size. Seriously, you will be standing “dogs to buns” for an hour or more.

At this time it will be about 2 or 3 in the morning. If you are lucky, you will be put in the yard. If you are, you can try to get some ZZZs on a cot, but make sure you don’t miss your call. Not much to say about the yard, other than don’t touch any tennis balls you see laying around. Those are used by the inmate’s girlfriends to toss contraband over the fence. Don’t be tempted to do something stupid like buy a cigarette (or worse) from anybody. If you get caught your 24 hour stay will become a lot longer.

The way I understand it, Tent City houses three groups. Work release and overnight stays are in one section. They don’t have to put on the stripes. The second level are work release cases who have to where stripes and are driven to work each day. The final section is for the Stripes who are there on continuous confinement. If you find yourself here, I feel sorry for you.

There is a chance you won’t ever get to see Tent City at all. In my case, I was called out of the tiny holding tank and cuffed with other prisoners. I think this was the worse of the two options. I never got a chance to lie on a cot. Instead, I was cuffed together with a group of Stripes and moved back to the original cell.

The first group I was with was pretty good. Short timers on DUI offenses. We developed something resembling a common bond. My last 5 hours was spent with Stripes who were getting out after 10 days to 3 months of confinement. These guys are definitely scarier. Couldn’t believe some of the stuff they were bragging about. If you find yourself in this situation, best just to keep your mouth shut and wait it out. However, I did add a whole bunch of new words to my vocabulary.

You will next be called out four at a time to stand where else, but in another even SMALLER holding cell while they fingerprint you.

Finally, you will be put into a “processed for release” cell. When your name is called, you are asked a few questions to make sure you are who you say you are and then you are released.

I don’t know if my missive can convey how unpleasant this whole thing is. You are hungry, dehydrated, sleep deprived, and will likely have some physical pain. That is just the way Sheriff Joe likes it.